If, like me, you thought it weird
A mysterious name for a bar
And wondered how the term appeared
Well, here you are

I’ll tell you a tale that shocked the nation
Back in Edwardian time
No need to explain the yarn’s location;
You’re at the scene of the crime

This place used to be a general store
Selling humbugs, tobacco and papers
And humorous postcards of Hastings seashore
To post back home to the neighbours

One Arthur Hill was the man of the shop
When in walked a plainclothes bobby
PC Collins was an undercover cop
Faking a salacious hobby

He looked through the postcards for sale on the shelves
And purchased the bawdiest ten
Pictures of people disporting themselves
In ways which were frowned upon then

Drawings of girls cavorting in water
Men caressing the women
Showing much more than Edwardians oughta
Instead of respectably swimmin’

The plod took the cards quickly back to the station
Officers gathered around
And gave PC Collins a standing ovation
For all of the smut that he’d found

‘Disgusting,’ they said, and their faces turned red
As they viewed the offensive display
‘There must be a law being broken,’ they said;
‘Let’s bring forward charges today.’

Before Hastings Court poor Arthur was dragged
The magistrates frowning at him
The rude cards were flagged and fingers were wagged
Arthur’s future looked grim

They said, “these postcards offend public taste
And considering this saucy sample
It’s clear we must act, there is no time to waste
Of you, sir, we’ll make an example.”

Against the defendant the odds were all stacked
He had no legal defence
The Obscene Publications Act
Made selling such porn an offence

His sentence was three months in jail, with hard labour
Too severe, all the papers agreed
But nobody managed to do him the favour
Of getting him pardoned or freed

Similar tactics were employed
At other shops in town
Twelve hundred postcards in all were destroyed
But only Arthur was sent down

Those straight-laced days have left Queens Road
Edwardians’ jaws would now drop
At all of the filth that we can download
Through wi-fi in this shop

So let’s all give thanks for today’s liberation
Raise a glass to old Arthur Hill
Convicted of such a mundane violation
And charged such a heavy bill.